the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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