yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
zippers are such a cool invention
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
