He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
