Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
