He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
