I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
