If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
