white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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