worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.