And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill