Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
