I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day