im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She's allergic to latex.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.