True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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