Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!