jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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