She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
