I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
