i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
