hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
