I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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