Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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