why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
