I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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