I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
