I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
