Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Two words: nipple clamps
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