I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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