I heard we made out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
