Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
