I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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