i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
