please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
