I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
