you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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