do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
