Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didn't notice because vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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