paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
