Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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