a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
