i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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