if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
