For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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