Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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