you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
