my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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