halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
