I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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