No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
