It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
