I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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