I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
