were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
