Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
