I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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