I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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