Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
