This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
