I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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