he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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