I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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