I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
