she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
