If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
