i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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