his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
