I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
