I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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