Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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