Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize