So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
