you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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