All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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