My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize