I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
