Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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