So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
