i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
