It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
