I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
