I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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