Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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