it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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