After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
