can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
