I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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